Disappointed

I'm extremely disappointed that I cannot find a solution to the problem that I am faced with. Love.  I am  dumbfounded. What is love? Does anyone know. While I find myself struggling to move onward from my past love, I find myself rejecting to welcome a new love.  I do love him,  but I am terrified to let him have the best of me. At first i would have others to cease my feelings from growing but they continued to grow like wild flowers. So, I gave up on trying to stop the intangible. But now i feel like the past is stopping me from moving forward. The past will not leave but beats on this relationship like a drum. The past will not give up. How can any new relationship blossom if the past keeps colliding and pushing through to the present. The past creates the present. The past makes what you have today. But how do you grow from the past? My problem with the past is that it has made me afraid of the present. My past has brought forth so much pain and heartache. My past has frightened me. I said i would not let the past affect my future relationships but I find it afffecting this one. He is nothing like my past. He is a good man. He treats me with respect and shows me that he cares. I know that he cares for me, maybe more than i care for him but I do not understand why things are the way they are. Why do i keep fighting this love. I do not want to but i constantly find myself struggling internally trying to figure why i keep hiding how i really feel? I do not want to hurt. But in a way, this hurts like hell. Lost in a world of love. Trying to avoid heartache but constantly bringing heartache upon myself. But I love him. But I just do not know how to. I am dumbfounded. straight up confused and i dont know which way is the right way to go.