LET ME B ME

&& THiS C0MES FR0M THE B0TT0M 0F MY HEART..
I FEEL LIKE I CANT REALLY BE ME CUZ WHAT EVERY0NE HAS 2 SAY [[FRENS, FAMILY]]
H0W C0ME I CANT JUST BE WH0 I WANNA BE?!?!
IF Y0U D0NT LIKE IT.. THEN D0NT C0ME AR0UND ME..
D0NT DEAL WITH ME..
I DIDNT TALK 2 MICHAEL FOR 3 M0NTHS BECAUSE IM T00 W0RRIED AB0UT WHAT EVERY0NE ELSE HAS 2 SAY WHEN I MISS HIM LIKE CRAZY AND I STILL L0VE HIM..
BUT Y AM I LISTENING TO ANY OF YOU WHEN.. NOT ONE FEMALE I KNOW RIGHT NOW RELATIONSHIP IS GOIN RIGHT.. EVERY0NE FR0M MY FRENS 2 MY PARENTS.. S0O IM HELLA TIRED 0F PUTTIN MY FEELINGS 2 THE SIDE F0R EVERY0NE ELSE..
YEAH WE MIGHT OF ARGUED A LOT && EVEN F0UGHT.. BUT HE WAS ALWAYS THERE WHEN N0NE 0F Y0U WERE.. && Y0UR ALL FAKE & PHONY IF Y0U ASK ME..
WHY W0ULD U N0T STILL L0VE ME & B THERE F0R ME BECAUSE U D0NT LIKE WH0 I TALK 2? THEN Y0U D0NT GIVE A FUCK AB0UT ME EITHER... MAYBE I NEED 2 SURR0UND MYSELF AR0UND DIFFERNT PE0PLE.. AS MUCH AS I HATE 2 LET MY FAMILY G0 I WILL.. N0T F0R HIM... BUT F0R MYSELF.. MAYBE I NEED 2 B 0UT 0N MY 0WN && SH0W Y0U I CAN STANT 0N MY 0WN 2 FEET WITH 0UT Y0U.. MAYBE THEN Y0U WILL REALIZE WH0 I REALLY AM..
BECAUSE I D0NT THINK ANY0NE KN0WS WH0 I REALLY AM.. I CARE 2 MUCH ABOUT WHAT 0THERS G0TTA SAY AND I TRY 2 MAKE EVERY0NE HAPPY && THATS N0T MAKIN ME HAPPY.. HES IN A 4X4 BECAUSE I LISTENED 2 Y0U.. && ITS N0T FAIR.. N0W IM N0T TALKIN 2 JUST 0NE PERS0N IN GENERAL BUT DAMN..I BEEN SITTIN HERE F0R THE LAST FEW DAYS JUST THINKIN.. I NEED 2 B 0N MY 0WN.. AWAY FR0M EVERY0NE ELSE AND THEIR PROBLEMS.. AND MAYBE ILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.. BASICALLY I NEED 2 THINK ABOUT ME ND NOT EVERYONE ELSE..
S0 BASICALLY IM LETTING ALL 0F Y0U KN0W.. CHERISH THE TIME Y0U HAVE WITH ME BEF0RE I D0 IT M0VIN 0N ALL 0F Y0U!!

L0VE

L0ve is LiKe a FL0wer...
Beautiful but Delicate

fr0m a seed it gr0ws
into s0mething elaborate

if y0u neglect it..
it will wither away

if y0u care f0r it..
it will bl0ss0m int0 s0mething so vibrant & so delightful

its smell will tickle y0ur n0se
ts subtleness will calm y0u
& its presence will brighten y0ur day..

but...

if y0u neglect it...
it will wither away..

l0ve is like a fl0wer..
Beautiful but Delecate..

G00D Bye SuMMer

G00DBYE SUMMER!! GOOD BYE WILD NIGHTS AT THE GYM.. WORKIN OUT && KICKIN IT.. G0ODBYE BAY TRIPS.. TRIPS ALL 0VA.. BELMONT.. ALAMEDA.. RICHMOND.. SF.. OAKLAND.. HAYWARD.. UHHHH.. GOOD BYE SLEEP ALL DAY UP ALL NIGHT NIGHTS WID TINA.. GOODBYE CARELESSNESS.. GOOD BYE JAY && RIK.. ALWAYS KEEP US LAUGHIN.. GOOD BYE PHILIPPINES!! && MANGO!! GOOD BYE SUMMER DRESSES HELLO SKINNY JEANS.. GOODBYE ALL OF THE MEMORIES I HAD THIS SUMMER OF 2009.. BECAUSE FALL IS APPROACHING.. HOW MUCH I HATE THE FALL.. FALL BRINGS ME CLOSER 2 FINISHING SCHOOL AND CLOSER 2 YOU!!

MY SUMMER HAS BEEN MY AWAY.. MY AWAY FROM ALL THE DRAMA.. WHEN I LANDED BACK HERE IN AMERICA I FORGOT THAT SUMMER WAS OVER .. H0W MUCH IT HURT ME TO COME BACK 2 REALITY.. 2 REALIZE THAT PEOPLE GO THEIR SEPERATE WAYS WHEN FALL COMES.. TO REALIZE THAT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS SITTING IN A 4X4 CELL IN ELK GROVE BECAUSE OF STRAIGHT FOOLISHNESS.. 2 BE HAPPY THAT HES NOT MAD.. BUT SCARED OF WHAT THAT MEANS.. THERES A LOT THAT THE FALL BRINGS.. FALL IS THE TIME I STUDY STUDY STUDY.. GOTTA HAVE GOOD GRADES TO GET INTO A GOOD CREDENTIAL PROGRAM.. SO GOOD BYE SUMMER SEE YOU NEXT YEAR..

L0ST

WITH0UT Y0U... LOL N0 I LIED.. BUT REALLY I AM L0ST RIGHT N0W.. IM L0ST AB0UT WH0 IS REALLY IMP0RTANT 2 ME IN LIFE... IVE BEEN SOOOO HURT THAT IVE BEEN SURR0UNDIN MYSELF AR0UND TH0SE WH0 D0NT GIVE 2 FS AB-UT ME... I REALIZE Y0UR USING ME BUT I LET IT G0 BECAUSE AT THE TIME.. IM PAYIN F0R Y0UR C0MPANY.. I USED 2 BE ABLE 2 G0 2 MY FAMILY F0R HELP WHEN I NEEDED THEM THE M0ST.. BUT N0W A DAYS.. EVERY0NE HAS THEIR 0WN AGENDA S0 N0W ALL I HAVE LEFT IS MY BABY BR0THER MARQUIS..
THE 0THER DAY.. I WAS FACE 2 FACE WITH MY WORST ENEMY && MY BEST FRIEND... AND ALTH0UGH M0ST 0F THE TIME I TAKE HIS W0RDS F0R GRANTED.. HIS W0RDS MADE TEARS C0ME FROM MY EYES.. THR0UGH EVERYTHING.. WH0 D0 Y0U KN0W Y0U CAN TRUST?! CAN Y0U TRUST Y0USELF?! IM NOT GOING TO GO INTO THE WORDS HE TOLD ME BECAUSE IM SELFISH AND I WANT THEM TO MYSELF.. BUT I REALIZED THAT MANY PEOPLE ACT LIKE THEY CARE... WHEN THEY D0NT.. THEY ACT LIKE THEY LOVE YOU BUT THEY DONT.. FOR THE LONGEST I DIDNT KNOW WHAT LOVE REALLY WAS.. I NEVER REALLY FELT LOVED BY MY PARENTS... MY DADS LOVE WAS MONEY.. && MY MOM TRIED TO HARD..

THE BEST LOVE I EVER FELT WAS FILLED WITH THE MOST DRAMA AG0NY STRUGGLES... THE MOST UNHEALTHY LOVE EVER!! BUT IT WAS LOVE.. ALTHOUGH ALL U EVER HEAR PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IS THE BAD... THERE WAS A LOT OF GOOD TIMES... AND THAT LOVE WAS ALWAYS THERE.. WHENEVER I NEEDED SOMEONE 2 JUST LISTEN WHILE I CRIED A RIVER... THAT L0VE WAS THERE... WHEN TIMES G0T R0UGH & THEY ALL GAVE US THE MIDDLE FINGA WE HAD EACH0THA.. BUT IM L0ST BECAUSE IM C0NFUSED 0N WHATS RIGHT... AND WHATS WR0NG.. L0VE IS A P0WERFUL DRUG..

w0rds cant even explain..

i went 2 sleep at like 11 last night and w0ke up 10 minutes ag0... Theres s0o much g0in 0n right n0w that i d0nt even kn0w where t0 start.. i guess i can start By keepin my w0rd.. thats the least i can d0 in this current situati0n.. 0ne by keepin it s0lid.. f0cusin 0n my sch0ol w0rk.. && n0t lettin thee 0thers.. [[wh0 0f c0urse pr0bably started a hate gr0up against me.]] affect my g0als.. L0VE is a p0werful w0rd and can affect y0ur 0utl0ok 0n life and even y0ur acti0ns.. but my L0VE is a bad L0VE that taints and sp0ils && y0u wiLL b Hurt by it.. [[i d0nt intentionally mean 2 d0 it but it just happens like that]] But y0u L0VE me back.. s0o i pr0mise iLL CHange.. SCh0ol... GRADUATE.. My 0NLy C0NCERN N0w.. N0t w0rried ab0ut any b0ys.. n0w w0rried ab0ut any females.. n0t w0rried ab0ut anything but getting that BA and walking acr0ss that stage 2 make y0u pr0ud!!

WDF!!

H0ME iS N0T A H0ME ANyM0RE!!
WDF!! i WAS S0 EXCiTED 2 C0ME H0ME BUT N0T T0 THiS H0ME!
FACED WiTH PR0BLEMS i CAN N0T C0NTR0LL
0MG S0ME 0NE GET ME A DRiNK!!

B0RACAY, PHILIPPINES 2009

0HKAY S0 WE FINALLY MADE IT T0 B0RACAY AND I HAVE 2 SAY IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE AND I MOST DEFINATELY WILL RETURN AT A LATER DATE!! 0KAY S0 HERE IS H0W THE ST0RY G0ES...

S0 WE LEAVE MANILA AND GET 2 KALIBO [[AN0THER 45 MINUTE FLIGHT]] AND WE GET 0N THIS CHARTER BUS THAT TAKES US T0 A D0CK.. THE BUS RIDE WAS 2 H0URS... AND THEN WE G0T 0NT0 A BOAT FOR 15 MINUTES THAT TOOK US TO B0RACAY.. AND THEN WHEN WE G0T 2 B0RACAY WE THE H0TEL JEEP CAME AND PICKED US UP!! 0N THE WAY 2 THE H0TEL WE KEPT SAYIN I H0PE ITS A NICE H0TEL.. BECAUSE 0N THE WAY THERE WE KEPT 0N SEEING THESE LIL RUN D0WN H0E H0TELS.. LOL.. S0O WHEN WE PULL UP TO THE FRONT OF THE HOTEL IT WAS KINDA SHABBY LOOKING AND WE WERE LIKE WDF LETS G0 BACK 2 MANILA BUT WHEN WE WALKED INSIDE WE WERE LIKE WOW!! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.. AND WHEN YOU FIRST WALK IN THEY GAVE US SEASHELL NECLACES AND THEN THEY GAVE US A GLASS OF MANGO JUICE.. HERES A PICTURE OF THE H0TEL..




IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND THE BEACH WAS RIGHT IN THE BACK OF THE HOTEL!! YAY!! S0 AFTER WE G0T 2 0UR H0TEL R00MS AND STUFF WE DECIDED WE WERE G0ING 2 G0 GET SOMETING TO EAT... THIS IS WHEN WE G0T THE REAL FILIPINO EXPERIENCE LOL.. WE R0DE THE TRIKES!! LOL




WHEN WE G0T 2 THE MARKET WE CH0SE WHAT F00D WE WANTED AND DTHEN WE ATE!! WHILE WE WERE WAITING F0R 0UR F00D 2 BE READY WE LOOKED IN THE LITTLE SH0PS F0R S0UVINERS AND STUFF BUT WE DIDNT BUY ANYTHING!! THEY HAD S0UVINERS BUT NOT WHAT I REALLY WANTED 2 BUY!! S0 AFTER THAT WE WENT TO THE BEACH.. THE BEACHES ARE S0O0O BEAUTIFULL... THE WATER IS SOOO CLEAR N THE SAND IS SO WHITE!!




UMM.. LET ME SEE WHAT ELSE DID WE DO ON MONDAY!! WE SWAM ALL DAY AND LAID OUT IN THE SAND.. 0H YEAH.. I F0RG0T!! TELL ME WHY WE WERE ALL HELLA EXCITED THAT WE WAS AT A HOTEL BECAUSE THE HOTEL HAS............ H0T WATER!! YAY!! LOL.. I TOOK THE LONGEST SHOWER EVER IN MY LIFE.. AND THE WATER DOESNT GET COLD LIKE IT DOES AT HOME BECAUSE THERES LIKE A BOX IT RUNS THROUGH.. KINDA LIKE A HOT PLATE THAT MAKES IT HOT!! LOL.. 0KAY THEN WE WENT 0UT 2 EAT AT HAWAIIAN BBQ BUT THAT SHIT WAS HELLA NASTY!! THE 0NLY G00D PART WAS THE MANG0.. AINT THE SAME AS AT HOME.. BUT YEAH.. THEN WE WENT OUT.. I NEED 2 START A WHOLE NEW PARAGRAPH FOR THIS EXPERIENCE.. BUT BEF0RE I TELL Y0U THAT.. I F0RG0T 2 SAY THAT WE G0T HENNA TATOOS.. ME, STEPHANIE AND MY DAD AND UNCLE!!






SO FIRST WE WENT 2 THIS CLUB THAT PLAYED STRAIGHT HIP HOP MUSIC.. BUT IT WAS ONLY LIKE NO ONE THERE LOL ... SO WE ORDERED DRINKS.. I HAD A SEX ON THE BEACH.. STEPH AND MARIE LONG ISLANDS AND MATT ORDERED HIM AND MARQ ADI0S!! MFERS LOL.. BUT MARQ DOESNT DRINK SO I HAD 2 DRINK HALF OF HIS!! BUT THEN SINCE NO ONE WAS THERE WE LEFT AND WENT 2 ANOTHER CLUB.. THIS CLUB WAS LIGHT WEIGHT POPPIN.. THEY PLAYED THE TYPE OF MUSIC THAT 107.9 THE END PLAYS.. F0R TH0SE WH0 D0NT LIVE IN SAC... THEY PLAYED LIKE SOME ROCK AND HIP HOP AND POP.. SO WE ORDERED A PITCHER OF LONG ISLAND BUT IT WAS KINDA NASTY.. TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STRONG.. S0O I HAD LIKE A CUP AND A HALF AND THEN WE CUT!! S0O THEN WE WENT 2 THIS POPPIN CLUB.. IT PLAYED A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.. BUT HAHAHA TOO BAD WE CUDDNT STAY LONG.. S0O LIKE MY TITO FERDIE CAME ON THE TRIP WITH US SO THAT HE CUD WATCH US... SINCE ITS A TOURIST PLACE AND PEOPLE BE GETTING KIDNAPPED WE WERE HELLA COOL WITH IT.. SO AT THIS CLUB WE ORDERED A PITCHER OF SOME STRAWBERRY SHIT WID VODKA AND STUFF IN IT AND WE HAD SHOTS.. AFTER WE WAS A LIL TIPSY WE WENT TO DANCE.. SO TELL ME Y WE WAS DANCIN AND SOME FILIPINO DUDES CAME OVER AND WAS LIKE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH.. THEY WAS JUST DANCIN NEAR US TRYNA GET OUR ATTENTIONS BUT WE WAS IGNORIN THEM.. LOL THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I SEE MY DAD C0ME 0UT 0F N0WHERE AND PUSH THE DUDE ACR0SS THE DANCE FLOOR LOL AND IM LIKE 0MG S0 I G0 GRAB MY C0USIN MATT AND WAS LIKE WE G0TTA G0.. THEN I SEE MY DAD CURSIN THE SECURITY 0UT IN TAGALOG.. LOL HELLA CRAZY.. IM SITTIN 0VER HERE HELLA TIPSY W0NDERING WHAT THE HELL IS G0IN 0N CUZ THE DUDE DIDNT EVEN D0 ANYTHING.. N MY DAD CAME OUT THE CLUB AND WE WAS TRYNA GO TO ANOTHER ONE AND HE WAS LIKE WAITING OUT THE CLUB WAITING FOR THE DUDE TO COME OUT!! LOL.. SO WE WAS LIKE FUCK LETS JUST GO BACK 2 THE H0TEL!! && THEN LATER MY C0USIN MATT ASKED WHAT HAPPENED ND MY TITO FERDIE SAID THAT MY DAD SAID THE DUDE WAS GETTIN TO CLOSE 2 ME!! LOL HELLA DAD INSTINCT.. BUT HE WAS ALSO DRINKIN.. SO HEYY.. LOL..

BUT THE NEXT DAY IS WHERE ALL THE FUN WAS!! 0KAY S0 WE W0KE UP AND WE G0T 0N A TRIKE AND R0DE 2 AN0THER D0CK.. THEN WE G0T 0N THIS B0AT AND RODE TO THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN.. WHEN WE GOT 2 THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN WE WENT SNOORKLING!! 0MG IT WAS S0 MUCH FUN.. THERE WAS SO MANY FISH AND THEY WERE SO BEAUTIFUL.. I SEEN A NEMO FISH AND A LITTLE NEMO BABY FOLLOWING.. AND I ALSO SEE HELLA D0RY'S AND ALSO ZEBRA FISH!! 0MG.. ILL HAVE PICS 0F ALL THAT WHEN MY C0USIN GETS HER PICS UP!! LOL..



0KAY SO WE GOT TIRED OF DOING THAT.. SO THEN WE WENT ON A LITTLE TOUR OF ALL OF THE LITTLE ISLANDS IN THE OCEAN... AND THEN WE WENT 2 ANOTHER PART OF THE OCEAN AND WE WENT ON THE BANANA BOAT AND THE PARASAILING.. THE BANANA BOAT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN.. WE ALMOST TIPPED 0VER CUZ 0F TITO FERDIE BUT IT WAS FUN.. LOL.. OH AND I DONT HAVE MY PARASAILING PICS CUZ IT WAS TAKEN ON ANOTHER CAM... BUT I DID NOT LIKE PARASAILING AT ALL.. IT WAS A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE ALL OF BORACAY AND IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL BUT UR ASS IS JUST SITTING THERE IN THE AIR AND IT MADE ME FREAKIN SICK TO MY STOMACH.. BUT I STILL HAD FUN.. SO AFTER THAT WE ROAD THE BOAT TO ANOTHER ISLAND AND WE ATE LUNCH.. THEN WE WENT BACK 2 THE HOTEL AND SWAM AGAIN...



THE NIGHT SCENE SUCKED HONESTLY THIS NIGHT.. WE DIDNT REALLY DRINK CUZ WE WERE STILL A LITTLE SEA SICK.. WE DANCED A LITTLE BUT NOT REALLY.. BUT WE STILL ENJOYED HANGING OUT TOGETHER AND TALKING ABOUT OLD TIMES.. 0H YEAH.. BEFORE WE ATE ME AND MARQUIS WENT ON A WALK ON THE BEACH TOGETHER I LOVE MY LITTLE BROTHER!! JUST THOUGHT ID ADD THAT!! BUT YEAH..
THAT WAS BASICALLY IT... THE DAYS WERE JAMMED PACKED.. NOW IM READY 2 PACK MY THINGS AND COME HOME 2 MY MOM AND MY BED AND MY FRENS!! LOL