Progression

Breaking up with someone and having no clue why made me upset, frustrated, hurt.. Just about every negative feeling in the book.. I went from crying and depressed to angry and upset.  I could not let it go because I had no clue what I did wrong and although the relationship was over I'm always self reflecting and I do not want to make the same mistakes in my next relationship that I did in my last...

So finally we sat down and I found out where I made my mistakes and although the answer he gave me was a valid reason to leave and it made me happy that I did nothing wrong on my end.. It made me sad because it was something I had no control over.  He told me that I was a great girlfriend but for him having to deal with my health problems were overwhelming :(.  Sigh.  That's where age comes into play.  For someone that young I should have never expected him to understand and it's kind of my fault as well because I never told him about them he just kind of experienced them..

So.. I think I need to rewind and explain my health problems.. So most people know that I was in a car accident 4 years ago where I had a head injury and suffered bilateral damage to my temporal lobe (my temporal lobe had nerve damage in both hemispheres meaning both the left and right side).  From that I have lost my hearing in my left ear, I have head tremors, migraines and seasonal anxiety.  To me, my health concerns are nothing compared to when I first came home and was paralyzed and could barely walk.  I guess my biggest mistake was not explaining it to him.  He was my first boyfriend since Michael who was with me through the accident.  He saw me at my worst, helped me get through the paralysis so tremors were nothing to him and when I got them his response was "jas your head is shaking again" and I guess I expected Xavier to have the same attitude not realizing he wouldn't.

So.. I'm glad to know that I can still say I am a great girlfriend.. I just have to find someone next time who will understand that my tremors are a part of me now.  These things will probably never change.  I survived death and I'm happy to say I'm still alive and I have 4 small little problems I have to deal with. So for my next relationship... I have these three goals: 1: I want to get to know them better before I commit to being with them, 2: find someone my age who will understand my health 3: someone who is willing to bring as much to the table as I..

The End!