Tired, drained, but I see the top
I keep on climbing I will not stop
But then you come and drag me down
Pulling me through the dirt
I pray I don't get hurt
But when we reach the bottom of the mountain you disappear
Gone from this place like thin air
So I dust my shoes off and start my climb again
I'm determined to get to the top, Determined to win
You push me, you shove me
I fall a million times
But I'm determined to not let you trick me this time
I'll take another route
Start on another mountain
Climb at a different time
Keeping the thought of you on my mind
And the consequences of your appearance from time to time
I'll win, I'll get to the top
Because succeeding over the mountain is just one task that will I never stop
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Game Night
So I had my first gathering since my break-up and I'm not going to admit.. I was a little worried of the turn out for two reasons. One because when I was with Xavier our gatherings were usually half my friends and half his friends. Two because I didn't do my usual planning like I did for the parties at my house.. I just posted on FB and Twitter the day before and hoped for a good turn out lol... But I must say I have good friends because we had a good turn out and we had lots of fun. I cooked Tacos and cupcakes and we played games. We played Taboo as a huge group which was fun and then the girls played Monopoly. I'm glad that I decided to host a gathering because I needed a break from our ((starting to be routine)) of going out. I just wanted to be around people I know. Well.. Now I'm off to watch my Raiders...
I havent said this in a while..
Love,
Jay Pea
I havent said this in a while..
Love,
Jay Pea
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Dating
So... I've came to the conclusion that I have no clue how to date lol. When I was 18 I got with Michael. I stayed with him until I was 23. My next relationship was Xavier... and that went fast and ended fast.. So I've came to the conclusion that I haven't really dated as an adult. My new task is to learn how to date. Lol. Which means i'm probably going to be dating a lot of guys who will get dropped like flies.. that's normally how it goes.. Go on a few dates and when they realize i'm not giving it up that easily its on to the next.. Oh well.. lol So before I move on to the next.. I will try actual dating first..
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
YOU KNOW ME!!!
It seems like now-a-days.. Every one knows me better than I know myself.. lol.. Everyone knows what I'm thinking.. They know who I've been in love with.. shoot.. they probably know that I was going to write this blog.. Its just sad honestly.. Like my life is that amusing to you that you have to make up these fictitious feelings how how you think I think based on what I let you know. Remember.. the internet is just that.. the internet. I.. Me.. Jasmine.. Jay Pea.. controls what I share on my blog, FB, instagram, twitter.. I control what YOU know as a reader.. So if I want you to THINK that it's trouble in paradise.. that's what you will think... Trust me.. You can spend every day with me.. know me very well.. and you would still not know what I was thinking.. Thats why we as humans are unique... Even twins have different ways of thinking.. So.. before you THINK you know me based on the internet.. think again.. actually get to know me.. sit down with me.. let have Starbucks.. but seriously.. stop with the Anonymous comments on my blogs.. Be a woman/man about what you have to say to me and come talk to me. Thanks..
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
THE TRUTH ABOUT A MAN...
Nothing I wrote Just something I Found Online and thought was interesting.
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then, Heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. (tell it like it is!)
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.<--Tell da truth!
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man;
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending ... compromise is a two way street. 25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. Im sharing this with other ladies knowing that..... this will make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire life to forget them. "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart . . . pursue those."
" BEWARE OF HEARTBREAK...ITS SPREADING FAST...AND THERE IS NO CURE" MORE WORDS OF WISDOM THAT I'D LIKE TO PASS ON TO THE LADIES "HE MAY NOT HAVE BROKE UR HEART BUT UR SPIRIT, ALWAYS KEEP UR HEAD UP AND KEEP UR FAITH IN GOD. HE IS THE ONLY MAN THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH BUT WALK BESIDE U UNTIL THE VERY END"
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then, Heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. (tell it like it is!)
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.<--Tell da truth!
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man;
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending ... compromise is a two way street. 25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. Im sharing this with other ladies knowing that..... this will make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire life to forget them. "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart . . . pursue those."
" BEWARE OF HEARTBREAK...ITS SPREADING FAST...AND THERE IS NO CURE" MORE WORDS OF WISDOM THAT I'D LIKE TO PASS ON TO THE LADIES "HE MAY NOT HAVE BROKE UR HEART BUT UR SPIRIT, ALWAYS KEEP UR HEAD UP AND KEEP UR FAITH IN GOD. HE IS THE ONLY MAN THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH BUT WALK BESIDE U UNTIL THE VERY END"
Saturday, September 8, 2012
I Will Be Okay
Last month was a mess.. Got into a car accident, went through a break up and got laid off. I'm telling you my life went from as perfect as it could be to shambles in no time. I'll admit a few times I felt like why do I deserve this when I am such a good person.. But then I remembered that everything in life happens for a reason.. People come in go in your life to teach life lessons.. car accidents.. losing my job.. it all makes sense.. lol.. Since I've gotten over the initial shock of the horrors of last month I know I will be okay.
I told myself.. I was in a car accident 4 years ago where my life was almost taken from me && I survived.. I could not remember and it took therapy and motivation to get me back the way I am today.. So why would I let a little heartache and the loss of a job that I did not care for that much bring me down?? I wont.
Every job I have applied to I have gotten an interview for.. I know that I will get a job soon. It only took me 3 weeks to get my last job so I know something will come my way. Love.. well.. Shit happens.. You live and you learn.. Plus there are plenty of good men out there who are dying to talk to me anyways.. So why stress over something that I cannot fix..
So basically.. I tell myself every time I'm feeling down.. I will be okay.. Because I'm doing this for me!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Progression
Breaking up with someone and having no clue why made me upset, frustrated, hurt.. Just about every negative feeling in the book.. I went from crying and depressed to angry and upset. I could not let it go because I had no clue what I did wrong and although the relationship was over I'm always self reflecting and I do not want to make the same mistakes in my next relationship that I did in my last...
So finally we sat down and I found out where I made my mistakes and although the answer he gave me was a valid reason to leave and it made me happy that I did nothing wrong on my end.. It made me sad because it was something I had no control over. He told me that I was a great girlfriend but for him having to deal with my health problems were overwhelming :(. Sigh. That's where age comes into play. For someone that young I should have never expected him to understand and it's kind of my fault as well because I never told him about them he just kind of experienced them..
So.. I think I need to rewind and explain my health problems.. So most people know that I was in a car accident 4 years ago where I had a head injury and suffered bilateral damage to my temporal lobe (my temporal lobe had nerve damage in both hemispheres meaning both the left and right side). From that I have lost my hearing in my left ear, I have head tremors, migraines and seasonal anxiety. To me, my health concerns are nothing compared to when I first came home and was paralyzed and could barely walk. I guess my biggest mistake was not explaining it to him. He was my first boyfriend since Michael who was with me through the accident. He saw me at my worst, helped me get through the paralysis so tremors were nothing to him and when I got them his response was "jas your head is shaking again" and I guess I expected Xavier to have the same attitude not realizing he wouldn't.
So.. I'm glad to know that I can still say I am a great girlfriend.. I just have to find someone next time who will understand that my tremors are a part of me now. These things will probably never change. I survived death and I'm happy to say I'm still alive and I have 4 small little problems I have to deal with. So for my next relationship... I have these three goals: 1: I want to get to know them better before I commit to being with them, 2: find someone my age who will understand my health 3: someone who is willing to bring as much to the table as I..
The End!
So finally we sat down and I found out where I made my mistakes and although the answer he gave me was a valid reason to leave and it made me happy that I did nothing wrong on my end.. It made me sad because it was something I had no control over. He told me that I was a great girlfriend but for him having to deal with my health problems were overwhelming :(. Sigh. That's where age comes into play. For someone that young I should have never expected him to understand and it's kind of my fault as well because I never told him about them he just kind of experienced them..
So.. I think I need to rewind and explain my health problems.. So most people know that I was in a car accident 4 years ago where I had a head injury and suffered bilateral damage to my temporal lobe (my temporal lobe had nerve damage in both hemispheres meaning both the left and right side). From that I have lost my hearing in my left ear, I have head tremors, migraines and seasonal anxiety. To me, my health concerns are nothing compared to when I first came home and was paralyzed and could barely walk. I guess my biggest mistake was not explaining it to him. He was my first boyfriend since Michael who was with me through the accident. He saw me at my worst, helped me get through the paralysis so tremors were nothing to him and when I got them his response was "jas your head is shaking again" and I guess I expected Xavier to have the same attitude not realizing he wouldn't.
So.. I'm glad to know that I can still say I am a great girlfriend.. I just have to find someone next time who will understand that my tremors are a part of me now. These things will probably never change. I survived death and I'm happy to say I'm still alive and I have 4 small little problems I have to deal with. So for my next relationship... I have these three goals: 1: I want to get to know them better before I commit to being with them, 2: find someone my age who will understand my health 3: someone who is willing to bring as much to the table as I..
The End!
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