Healthy Relationships

I know most of you have been through your share of unhealthy/crazy relationships as I have been through some myself but not every relationship has to be unhealthy. So here is my perception of a healthy relationship in no particular order

1.     Be honest.  This one is self-explanatory.  Be nice and kind to your significant other, but be honest.  There is only one way that trust is gained and its through honesty.  I know sometimes it can be hard because you may not want to hurt your significant other’s feelings or upset them but in the long-run honesty is going to take you far.  It is better to hurt their feelings temporarily to lose their trust when you get caught in a lie. 

2.     Compromise.  Again, pretty self-explanatory.  Everything in the relationship is not going to go the way you want it to go (unless your me lol I’m kidding) so you have to be willing to compromise.  Be open to doing things your significant other likes to do that you may have not ever wanted to do if you were with them. 

3.     Do not try to “fix” your significant other.  This is an issue I have had in the past.  I meet this guy who I see “potential” in and I just think my chipper personality and ambitious drive will have an influence on him to do better but it’s all talk.  What a person is doing with their life when they meet you is a good picture of what it is going to be like.  If they’re always out partying every weekend, that’s not going to change just because they’re in a relationship now.  Either be in the relationship with the person for who they are flaws and all or don’t.

4.     Take advice with a grain or salt.  One killer of relationships is when everyone else has an input in what two people should do in their relationship.  Everyone needs their circle of friends for moral support, but do not let your friends and family ruin YOUR relationship.  If you know someone else’s opinion will have an affect on your thinking don’t let them give you their opinion.  I know it’s harder than it seems but a relationship is between two not two plus five you ya’ll closest friends. 

5.     Don’t go to bed angry.  I believe this is one of the most used phrases when it comes to long-term relationships but it doesn’t mean that it is necessarily true.  We are sometimes going to be so upset over some things in our relationship where we do need to sleep on it in order to have a clear mind to make rational decisions.  The thing that is true about this saying, “don’t go to bed angry” is the communication piece to it.  Some couples can work things out before bed but some cannot.  Forcing yourself to hash things out when you’re sleepy and irrational can just lead to more issues as sometimes we say things we really don’t mean when we are angry.  Instead of trying to fix things when you know you need more time, simply communicate with your significant other that you need space to calm down and set a time the next day that you both agree on to continue this discussion with a clear mind. 

6.     Date nights.  I love date nights.  One reason is because during the “getting to know you” stage dates are frequent.  But when the relationship comes exclusive, sometimes we get wrapped back up into our day-to-day routine and forget about the fun you had in the first place.  Set date nights.  Take one night out of the week to do something fun just both of you. 

7.     Stay consistent. Whatever you started doing in the beginning of the relationship continue to do.  That’s also why it is important to be yourself.  If you brought your girlfriend lunch on a Wednesday at the beginning when you were dating, continue to do that else you’ll have to hear her say “how come you don’t bring me lunch anymore??” Don’t do things if you know you can’t follow through.  Consistency is key. 

8.     Keep things interesting.  This means in the bed.  Missionary. Doggy. Repeat.  How boring! Keep things interesting.  Try new things.  New positions, new ideas, dress up in costume, role-play, etc.  Just have fun, open up, and don’t be afraid to try new things. 

9.     The past is the past.  Leave the past in the past.  If your significant other did something in the past that you can’t live with, leave.  Do not make them pay every time you decide to think of it. 

10. Stay positive.  Sometimes things are going to get hard and you must remember to stay positive in all aspects.  Stay positive in your thinking and security of the relationship and ALWAYS stay positive with your words towards each other.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness has always been something that is easy for me to do.  I get into an argument with someone and they say something to hurt my feelings and in a few hours I've moved on and forgave them already.   But forgiving someone is not the same when they try to completely destroy you and ruin your life. 

 I've toyed with the thought of forgiving someone for three months but it is very hard for me because of what happened.  I thought to myself, "how can I forgive someone who physically and mentally abused me?" I asked myself this question over and over. It made it even harder to forgive because not only did he abuse me, he tried to force these negative thoughts about me on others. How do I even begin to forgive him when he caused me so much pain??  

Then I read a scripture out of the bible that said, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44)) and I began to pray for him. I began to pray for him every time I prayed even if all I asked for is for God to forgive him I prayed for him.  Even though I was praying for him and asking God to forgive him, I still had not forgave him for what he had done to me. 

So I continued to read scriptures on forgiveness and found: Then Peter went up to him and said, "Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me? As often as seven times?" Jesus answered, "Not seven, I tell you, but seventy-seven times" (Matthew 18:21-22). So I forgave. I told myself if I can forgive him for cheating on me (because people make wrong decisions sometimes) I can use that same reasoning to forgive him for the abuse. 

Forgiving someone who has done you wrong is never easy. I resented him for taking my kindness for weakness and I blamed myself for being naïve.  What kept me going is knowing that whenever not-so-good things happen, good things shortly follow. I stopped pondering over the fact that I needed to forgive him and wasn't ready and just told myself I HAVE to forgive in order to not feel pain anymore. Once I started to forgive just a little bit, things started going extremely well for me.

So here I am living in the moment and learning how to forgive and boy does it feel great! I know there is someone out there that you probably should forgive, so forgive them. Forgive them so that you can move on with your life. 

I hope this helped at least one person. :) 

The Caged Bird

I have been a caged bird.  Caged with no way out. Everyone would come to see my beauty. Amazed and dazed they'd say how beautiful and listen to me sing. No one ever questioned my singing even though they were cries for help. Because I was a caged bird. 

I have been a caged bird. Miserable in my own surrounding. Day in and day out I sing.. Day in and day out they come. Smiling, laughing and not even noticing my misery. I want them to open my cage, set me free.. But they never do. Because I was a caged bird. 

I am no longer a caged bird. I let myself be free. I stopped waiting for the people watching to set me free and started dreaming. I told myself I wasn't a caged bird anymore that singing will set me free. As I sang, they stayed longer and as they smiled I smiled. Until one day, the cage opened and I was free. 

2014 Goals

I normally don't do resolutions I just set goals.  Goals that I could work on throughout the year and at the end of the year reflect on.  So here my 2014 goals: 

1. Maintain a stable gym routine. 

2. sign-up and complete a long distance run.

3. Save money.

4. Wear my rubber bands.

5. Redecorate my apartment. 

6. Build stronger relationship with God.

2013 recap

When I was brainstorming for this year I realized that this year was a shitty year for me.. Even though I had some traumatizing events, I learned some life lessons.. So here is my 2013 recap. 

Grad School

I've had many successes this year like always. I've also had not so good times as well. The biggest success I have had was getting into the Golden Key society.  It made me feel proud that I have kept going all of these years. 

The second thing was the fact that I finally finished my proposal. Next semester I'll be able to start the process to the actual project and hopefully graduate in 2 semesters. 

Friends && Family.

Whenever you go through a struggle, you realize who your true friends are. I am just happy to say that I have some great friends who have been here for me and I'm blessed. 

Employment. 

This year's employment was crazy.  I started off at Poppy Patch like normal. Left there because of the conflict between school and my schedule. Started Nannying. But that didn't last long because the day that I needed time off because I was sick I was let go. So then I started working for the district and I absolutely love it. 

Relationships.

So I'm not going to say anything negative about anything I've been through relationship wise. I just want to say that I'm ending the end-of-the-year single. Normally this would make me sad. But this year I am quite happy. Ever since I broke up with Michael, I have been a whirlwind of relationships. Ones that never last long because they ended just as fast as they started. The good thing is I did not get pregnant. 

So my 2013 wasn't that great... But I survived and I'm happy.

Delusions

As I lay in bed, I hear pounding on the door. *BANG  BANG BANG* My eyes widen and I pull the covers to my ear. Silence. I sit up in bed. *knock knock knock* I place my feet on the floor but I don't leave the bed. Silence. I look at the clock. 11:30 PM. I listen for the door but hear nothing. "Jasmine" his voice whispered. Could it be? Could he be back for me? An urge of nervousness rushed over me.  I stood up and walked over towards the room door and peered out into the living room. Everything was silent. She walked towards the front door. She stood in front of the front door contemplating... Should she just open the door or should she look through the peep hole? She decided to look first and saw no one. She decided to open the door. No one. Her head dropped and tears shed from her eyes.  The banging and knocking, him calling her name.. Were all just delusions... Delusions of the brain. 

Short story Chapter One.

Tears rolled down her face as she listened on the line. "Jones residence." Said the woman on the phone. She had went through Demetrius's phone and saw the number "Home" which she thought was suspicious since he said he lived alone and had never given her the number. When she thought about it she had never been to his home within the last year that they had been dating. 

"Hello?! Jones residence." She could hear children in the background. Did Demetrius live a double life?

  

"Hello ma'am. I am calling on behalf of Child's Gym. We are having a special. Two children for the price of one and wanted to know if you would be interested." Jade said.

"Oh that sounds like a lovely idea! But I'll have to talk it over with my husband." Mrs. Jones responded. 

"That sounds good ma'am. Why don't I take down your information and we can send you some information about our facility in the mail. That way you can show your husband."

"Oh that's perfect! What information do you need?"

"I just need your name, telephone number and address ma'am." 

"Oh okay. Well my name is Delilah Jones..." 

"And your husbands name ma'am?"

"...Oh his name is James Demetrius Jones."  Jade's heart dropped.  12 months dating Demetrius and she didn't even know his name was James.  

"Hello are you still there?" Delilah asked.

"Yes ma'am I'm here. What is your telephone number?" 

"My cell number is 555-6875." 

"And your address?"

"611 Pacfic Avenue."

"Thank you ma'am I will send an information packet to you as soon as we disconnect. It was a pleasure speaking with you Mrs. Jones. Have a good day now."

"Wait I didn't catch your name."

"My name? My name is Jessica."

Well nice speaking with you Jessica. Goodbye."

Jade sat there staring at the information she had written down. Demetrius was really James. James Demetrius Jones. The man she had dated for a year she didn't even know. She dialed Demetruis's telephone number. 

Ring ring.

"What's up baby! I was just thinking about you. Where are you? Let's meet at Starbucks on Lincoln." 

Jade let out a deep sigh."alright I'll be there in ten."

Jade hung up the phone and made a u-turn in her 350i.  She sped down Lincoln Boulvard and parked right next to Demetrius's car.  She walked in and spotted him. He walked up to her and handed her a coffee. 

"Hey babe. How's your day going?" 

"It's going great! How's Delilah and the kids?" 

Demetrius's face froze like he had just seen a ghost. 

"Baby let's go back to your place and discuss this."

"I am fine where I am. YOU ARE MARRIED DEMETRIUS?? Is your name Demetrius or is that your middle name? Is your name Demetrius or James? Do you even love me like you say you do? I don't even know who you are." 

Jade stood up and slapped Demetrius. Then she walked out of Starbucks, went into her trunk and busted out all of his windows. She got into her 350i and sobbed like a baby. A whole year she had wasted on Demetrius. They had made plans to travel the world together and get married in Paris, France. They had made plans on having kids. Two. One boy and one girl. The boy would be Demetrius. The girl would be Jaden.  All of these plans they had made together and they were all a lie. 

*knock knock knock* 

Jade lifted her head from her steering wheel. 

"Ma'am I am Officer Parker. We had received a call that you were spotted vandalizing a car in the parking lot. Will you please step out the car?" 

Jade screamed, "FUCK!" as she stepped out the car. 

"Ma'am you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do..." 

Jade could hear the police officer speaking but she could not hear his words. This day went from bad to horrible in just a matter of minutes.