Heartless

I lost my heart somewhere with the love I had for you. 
 Now I'm heartless and cold with no warmth to share.  
I lost my heart somewhere in the process of trying to please you. 
Somewhere in the process I forgot how to please myself. 
 I lost my heart the moment I met you. 
Someone told me I would never forget you. 
I lost my heart inside of you..
 I lost my heart in the thought of you. 
I lost my heart inside of you and now there is no heart inside of me. 

Faith..

When I pray I never ask for new things or things to go the way I want them to go.. I just always ask God to steer me in the right direction.. When I started asking for that I started losing people in my life who really didn't want the same things in life as I did.  Sometimes it's hard, I don't understand what Gods plan are for me but I continue to pray and I have faith that God will never put me in a situation I cannot handle. Sometimes when I become angry I have to remember this. 

Truth.

Okay it's what about to be 2am on June 2nd and I thought I'd just randomly rant

God I miss Nathan. It's so sad because I'm just confused. I don't know why I miss him and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel... Somedays I wake up and I'm fine.. I can go on about my day without a care in the world... Other days I wake up angry, bitter, with so many "I could've done this differently" type of attitude... Some days I just simply want to text to see how he's doing and I text him messages all day that never get sent... I just know I need to and have to move on..  I think it's hard because I have so many thoughts going on at one time.. So many you should do better... So many you should try harder! But how?! Geeeeez!! 

Relationships are so confusing! It's like you think you know what's right and then someone comes and hands you a chair and says "take a seat you amateur".  With every relationship I get wiser. I know I can't settle for less. I WILL NOT settle for less. I know what I want and I am determined to have it. 

I just want to let go.. I want to stop holding onto the back of Nathan's shirt and dragging in the dirt. I want to move on... Not wake up bitter, sad, frustrated... I want to think of him and think of all of the blessings he has brought... First step is admitting it I guess... Right? 

Fitness update!

So I've been having a hard time finding time to fit the gym into my very busy schedule so I've been taking some classes like Zumba and hot hula and I've lost 4 inches off of my waist!! I'm excited! I can't wait to see what I will look like when I go to Vegas in June!

30 Days of Truth: Day 7

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Someone who has made my life worth living for first and foremost is God.  Now I'm not much into religion but i know that the way I survived a near death situation and did almost a complete 180 in recovery, I knew that It had to be because God was watching over me.  Since then I have realized there is so much more to life.  

Love.

Here is something that I want to know.  What does love mean to you?! I plan on posting everyones opinion on this blog.  So let me know... What does love mean to you?

My definition:

Love to me is one emotion evoked by millions of adjectives.  Love is being honest even if you know it could hurt your partner's feelings.  Love is patient.  It's not rushed, it takes time.  Love is like a flower because in order for it to bloom it must be taken care of delicately.  If proper care is not given, the flower will soon wilt away.  Love is being understanding.  Everyone is not perfect.  Love is giving your 100% to someone or something.  Love is passion.  Love is amazing.  Love can be heart wrenching.  Love is me.  

Here are some of the definitions:

Facebook:
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. If you experience a negative love then you are not experiencing real love because love is a positive force that brought everything here with out love we would not be alive with out love there would be no cars no scientist no tv because love empowered people to give something there all to devote time to see thru a passion. Love of Jesus made him die and suffer for us, we suffer for people we love, love causes us to cry when someone hurts out feelings. Ima just stop there lol"  - Machelle 

"it means showing kindness, respect, gratitude, being supportive and never letting the one u love down" - Shanel

Instagram:

"love is hard but an amazing feeling with any type of relationship that involves it." - @juicyglam_

"Love is looking beyond faults. It is forgiving and understanding. Love is an action word." - @cus_imalady

"i feel that love is a type@of out of body experience when two souls cam connect to one another on a spiritual level...when two people see their future with the person that they're with" - @nattie_pooh_boo

30 Days of Truth: Day 6

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

One thing I hope  I never have to do is burry one of my siblings or parents way to early.  My dad has diabetes and stuff and I just pray every day that I will never have to burry him early.  I want him to be able to walk me down the aisle one day when I get married and be there for the birth of my kids one day.  So that is basically what I hope  I will never have to do.