God I miss Nathan. It's so sad because I'm just confused. I don't know why I miss him and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel... Somedays I wake up and I'm fine.. I can go on about my day without a care in the world... Other days I wake up angry, bitter, with so many "I could've done this differently" type of attitude... Some days I just simply want to text to see how he's doing and I text him messages all day that never get sent... I just know I need to and have to move on.. I think it's hard because I have so many thoughts going on at one time.. So many you should do better... So many you should try harder! But how?! Geeeeez!!
Relationships are so confusing! It's like you think you know what's right and then someone comes and hands you a chair and says "take a seat you amateur". With every relationship I get wiser. I know I can't settle for less. I WILL NOT settle for less. I know what I want and I am determined to have it.
I just want to let go.. I want to stop holding onto the back of Nathan's shirt and dragging in the dirt. I want to move on... Not wake up bitter, sad, frustrated... I want to think of him and think of all of the blessings he has brought... First step is admitting it I guess... Right?
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