EMPTiNESS

She woke up this morning like she did every other morning. She woke up, flipped over ready to kiss her husband on the forehead and forgot that his side of the bed was empty. Mornings like this brought flashbacks to her eyes of the events that lead to the emptiness she felt today.

She was upset with him. In fact, she hated him for the fact that for years she had wanted to start a family and he always wanted to wait. He was a producer and took his career seriously. He said he didn't want to have kids until they were wealthy enough to live comfortably. Now that they were comfortable, her body wouldn't let her. She spent thousands of dollars in fertility drugs and each time she was blessed with a pregnancy, it ended in miscarriage. This was her 5th miscarriage in two years and she was slowly falling apart.

The morning that started the confusion, she had came home form the hospital. He wanted to comfort her and hold her but she didn't want to be touched let alone be around him. She cried and screamed, her heart feeling as if it had been ripped out of her chest. He knew he would be leaving for a week on a business trip and didn't want to leave her feeling alone and miserable. He told her he would cancel the trip and stay but she told him she wanted to be alone. She told him she hated him. So at 9pm that night, he boarded a plane to New York and left her sitting there crying wishing he would have read her signs and stayed.

His leaving made her anger for him grow. She hated that he always had to leave her. She thought it would be better if she had a son or daughter to stay with her when she traveled, but he couldn't even give her that. She decided she would find someone else to fill her void. At first she wanted someone as a companion. Someone she could do things like go to the nail shop and shop with. But when she reached for her sister or cousins, they were busy raising their children and being wives. Then she met someone. He was the complete opposite from her husband, he loved to be around her and make her laugh and she loved having his company. They became close instantly, spending long hours on the phone together at night, going out for lunch everyday, enjoying each minute that the spent together. In fact, she enjoyed him so much that she started to dread the time that she spent with her busy husband. When she was with her husband she would count down the days until he would leave and she could be back with her lover.

Eventually she fell in love with him and decided that she was going to leave her husband to be with him. She packed up all of her clothes, put it in her car and left a note to her husband telling him that she had found someone else and would not be returning. Then she drove to her lovers house. Excited about starting a new relationship with him, she was not prepared for what was to come.

She realized she had never actually been inside his house. She would always drop him off a few houses down and he would walk up to the door and way goodbye. She was excited to see what her new home would look like. When she arrived at his house, she took out her compact mirror and fixed her make up putting another coat of lip gloss on her lips. She was so nervous and excited that she failed to realize another car parked in front which carried a car seat in the back. When she knocked on the door, a woman answered. This totally caught her by surprise. She thought she had the wrong house but decided to ask the woman if this was her lovers house. The woman told her yes he lived there and that she was his wife. Her heart dropped. The whole time he had a wife and in the back she could hear a baby crying. Before he came to the door, she walked back to her car and drove off.

Tears started to fall out of her eyes. The whole time she had this relationship with her lover she had been completely honest. She told him that she was married and that she hated her husband for not giving her the child she had always wanted. He said he was single and that he had no children only to find out every night when he left her he went home to his child and beautiful wife. She didn't know what to do. Then she thought about the note that she wrote. She had just enough time to get home and destroy the note before her husband got home and read it. She sped down the highway to her home praying that she beat her husband home. When she arrived and realized he was already there, she rushed in the house and looked at him reading the letter, tears falling down his eyes. She tried to explain that she had made a mistake and that she really loved him and wanted to make everything work. He was so hurt that it made it hard for him to look at her. He went in their room, packed his bag, kissed her on the forehead, and whispered goodbye. Right as he left, he changed his phone number and she never heard from him again.

This morning she woke up empty. Every morning she woke up empty. One little mistake and she lost everything. She lost her husband and was never blessed with a child. Every morning she woke up wishing she could change things but there was no way she could. She was left alone to fight with herself.