So here are my 2013 goals:
1. Maintain a above 3.9 GPA. Level of difficulty: Easy
2. Save money. Level of difficulty: moderate
3. Wear rubber bands. Level of difficulty: hard
4. Wear hearing aid. Level of difficulty: hard
5. Curse less. Level of difficulty: hard
6. Maintain a regular gym routine. Level of difficulty: moderate
Sunday, December 30, 2012
2012 Recap
So now that 2012 is days away from its end, I'd thought I'd give a little recap on how my year went! So here we go:
Grad School
So surprisingly this year I have survived!! I have a 3.914 GPA and I am doing well right now. Things are starting to get intense as I am going into working on my masters thesis. At the beginning of the year I had no clue as to what I wanted my topic focus to be. First I was interested in distributed cognition ((when learning and development occurs between people)) but not enough to want to conduct a whole research project and write a thesis. Then I was interested in family interactions. Well I still am because I truly believe that development begins within the family but just focusing on family interactions and relationships was too big. So spring 2012 I was enrolled in Chdv 210 which is social development so I used the class to help narrow my topic. It wasn't until early December that I finally decided on a topic that I was interested in. So I'm doing my thesis on sibling relationships and interactions and how it relates to preschoolers emotional problem solving. So if you live in Sacramento or anywhere within driving distance and have more than one child with one child being between 2.5 - 6 and are interested in being a possible participant in my study please contact me thanks. Okay so lets move on to the next topic.
Summer
Summer was actually pretty awesome! I had two parties and I hung out with kiah almost every weekend and I ended my beginning of the year fling. When my end of the year fling ended at first I was sad because whenever you grow close to someone its always hard to see them walk away. But looking back I think about all I had learned from that fling and how better my life has been since it ended. I learned that I need someone who has the same interests as me and who has similar goals in life. Well thats enough about that!
Friends & Family.
So I can honestly say I have great friends! In May, Juanita moved to the east coast to finish school and start a new life. We had a party to say goodbye to her and even though she wasn't in the best of moods, I'm glad we got to have our last time to spend together before she left. This year I became closer to both Kiah and Marie and also hung out with Mukhaye, Precious, Quan, Arisha, and Larasha. I shared great memories with all of them. Family wise I grew closer to some family members and further apart from others but hey.. That process is called growing up
Romance
At the end of August I ended one relationship and from that relationship I learned many things about myself that I needed to change. I am a great girlfriend but sometimes I can do too much that I really don't need to be doing. So when that ended I made a list of all the things I want in my next relationship. I said I wanted someone that liked the same things as I. A guy who isn't going to complain if I said I want to go see a play and who wouldn't mind having movie nights instead of going out every weekend. Well anyways, I met Nathan and although he isn't my boyfriend he has all the qualities I want in a man. He likes the same things as me and even if he doesn't like something he's willing to try it. But anyways, enough bout him.. This year has showed me never to settle
Employment
Basically I like my job now. More money could be better but whatevs.
Anyways that was 2012.
Grad School
So surprisingly this year I have survived!! I have a 3.914 GPA and I am doing well right now. Things are starting to get intense as I am going into working on my masters thesis. At the beginning of the year I had no clue as to what I wanted my topic focus to be. First I was interested in distributed cognition ((when learning and development occurs between people)) but not enough to want to conduct a whole research project and write a thesis. Then I was interested in family interactions. Well I still am because I truly believe that development begins within the family but just focusing on family interactions and relationships was too big. So spring 2012 I was enrolled in Chdv 210 which is social development so I used the class to help narrow my topic. It wasn't until early December that I finally decided on a topic that I was interested in. So I'm doing my thesis on sibling relationships and interactions and how it relates to preschoolers emotional problem solving. So if you live in Sacramento or anywhere within driving distance and have more than one child with one child being between 2.5 - 6 and are interested in being a possible participant in my study please contact me thanks. Okay so lets move on to the next topic.
Summer
Summer was actually pretty awesome! I had two parties and I hung out with kiah almost every weekend and I ended my beginning of the year fling. When my end of the year fling ended at first I was sad because whenever you grow close to someone its always hard to see them walk away. But looking back I think about all I had learned from that fling and how better my life has been since it ended. I learned that I need someone who has the same interests as me and who has similar goals in life. Well thats enough about that!
Friends & Family.
So I can honestly say I have great friends! In May, Juanita moved to the east coast to finish school and start a new life. We had a party to say goodbye to her and even though she wasn't in the best of moods, I'm glad we got to have our last time to spend together before she left. This year I became closer to both Kiah and Marie and also hung out with Mukhaye, Precious, Quan, Arisha, and Larasha. I shared great memories with all of them. Family wise I grew closer to some family members and further apart from others but hey.. That process is called growing up
Romance
At the end of August I ended one relationship and from that relationship I learned many things about myself that I needed to change. I am a great girlfriend but sometimes I can do too much that I really don't need to be doing. So when that ended I made a list of all the things I want in my next relationship. I said I wanted someone that liked the same things as I. A guy who isn't going to complain if I said I want to go see a play and who wouldn't mind having movie nights instead of going out every weekend. Well anyways, I met Nathan and although he isn't my boyfriend he has all the qualities I want in a man. He likes the same things as me and even if he doesn't like something he's willing to try it. But anyways, enough bout him.. This year has showed me never to settle
Employment
Basically I like my job now. More money could be better but whatevs.
Anyways that was 2012.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Thanksgiving
So I decided I wanted to write a blog abut how my thanksgiving vacation went. I will start my blog off with Wednesday.
Wednesday.
So Wednesday I still had to work but luckily I open and I get off early enough to still have a day ahead of me. So when I got off I went to Nathan's house and we went to the outlets to shop. I didn't buy anything bc I didn't see anything in particular that I liked. They did have a cute obey sweater I liked but I didn't get it because I need to finish up the rest of my Christmas shopping first. I was tired by the time we left there so we just chilled for a little while.. Ooooh I forgot to say that we ate at this Chinese restaurant and the food was bomb.. Okay so after chilling for a while we went to happy hour and had some drinks. Then before I was going to go home I decided to take a short nap bc I was tired. I fell asleep and didnt wake up until the next morning.
Thursday.
Thanksgiving. So above I said I didn't wake up until the next morning. So I was going to spend thanksgiving over Nathan's house bc my parents weren't cooking ((even tho they decided to last minute)). So I went home, took a shower, did my hair and makeup and was out the door back to his house. So basically thanksgiving was great. First, I watched African movies with Lily, his mom and aunt. Then, Nathan and I took Lexy on a walk and we talked about all kinds of things. Then we went back to the house and played video games. Then we just chilled until it was time to eat. I met his cousin finally and one of his friends oh and his cousins GF. Then we went to my moms house and are agai. And saw my niece.
Friday.
Friday was a chill day. Nothing spectacular in the day. We went out for breakfast. Came back and slept then started the Christmas tree. We stopped to watch avengers which seemed like a good movie but I fell asleep so I wouldn't know lol. Then we finished the movie and got ready to go out! We went out to the club drank and danced then went home
Saturday.
We woke up had donuts then went to get risky. We took risky and lex on a walk and to the dog park. Lexy did good for not liking to be around other dogs and risky was his normal self even tho he went in the mud and was dirty. Then we went shopping g with his friend and his girl. That was fun. Bought Christmas gifts and ended it with sushi. Then I went home.
So basically I got to spend four amazing days with Nathan and I enjoyed every bit of it.
Wednesday.
So Wednesday I still had to work but luckily I open and I get off early enough to still have a day ahead of me. So when I got off I went to Nathan's house and we went to the outlets to shop. I didn't buy anything bc I didn't see anything in particular that I liked. They did have a cute obey sweater I liked but I didn't get it because I need to finish up the rest of my Christmas shopping first. I was tired by the time we left there so we just chilled for a little while.. Ooooh I forgot to say that we ate at this Chinese restaurant and the food was bomb.. Okay so after chilling for a while we went to happy hour and had some drinks. Then before I was going to go home I decided to take a short nap bc I was tired. I fell asleep and didnt wake up until the next morning.
Thursday.
Thanksgiving. So above I said I didn't wake up until the next morning. So I was going to spend thanksgiving over Nathan's house bc my parents weren't cooking ((even tho they decided to last minute)). So I went home, took a shower, did my hair and makeup and was out the door back to his house. So basically thanksgiving was great. First, I watched African movies with Lily, his mom and aunt. Then, Nathan and I took Lexy on a walk and we talked about all kinds of things. Then we went back to the house and played video games. Then we just chilled until it was time to eat. I met his cousin finally and one of his friends oh and his cousins GF. Then we went to my moms house and are agai. And saw my niece.
Friday.
Friday was a chill day. Nothing spectacular in the day. We went out for breakfast. Came back and slept then started the Christmas tree. We stopped to watch avengers which seemed like a good movie but I fell asleep so I wouldn't know lol. Then we finished the movie and got ready to go out! We went out to the club drank and danced then went home
Saturday.
We woke up had donuts then went to get risky. We took risky and lex on a walk and to the dog park. Lexy did good for not liking to be around other dogs and risky was his normal self even tho he went in the mud and was dirty. Then we went shopping g with his friend and his girl. That was fun. Bought Christmas gifts and ended it with sushi. Then I went home.
So basically I got to spend four amazing days with Nathan and I enjoyed every bit of it.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Reflection
The quote below completely describes me. People who do not know me judge me and never get to know me. They don't like me based on what they have heard versus what they actually see. So I decided to do some self reflecting.
Now I know that I cannot show anyone the type of person I am based on what I write but I am writing simply as my perception of who I am.
I believe I am always evolving, changing and trying to perfect me as a person. I know I have flaws and I'm always trying to work on them. One thing I can say is I can a long way from the hot headed little girl I used to be and I am growing into a woman that my friends and family can be proud of rather than ashamed of. I am not perfect. I still make mistakes. I'm still impulsive at times. Sometimes I forget to think things through... But everyday I tell myself, in order to be a better person I must realize what I am doing wrong and learn from those mistakes.
Well I'm done reflecting! Thank you'
Now I know that I cannot show anyone the type of person I am based on what I write but I am writing simply as my perception of who I am.
I believe I am always evolving, changing and trying to perfect me as a person. I know I have flaws and I'm always trying to work on them. One thing I can say is I can a long way from the hot headed little girl I used to be and I am growing into a woman that my friends and family can be proud of rather than ashamed of. I am not perfect. I still make mistakes. I'm still impulsive at times. Sometimes I forget to think things through... But everyday I tell myself, in order to be a better person I must realize what I am doing wrong and learn from those mistakes.
Well I'm done reflecting! Thank you'
Saturday, October 13, 2012
The Orgasm Effect
Hey Bloggers & Readers,
Normally I do not do this but I must support my friend Cam.
Please Download Cash Campain's - The Orgasm Effect: http://bit.ly/TheOrgasmEffect
Also, Check out a few of his sites Thanks
Normally I do not do this but I must support my friend Cam.
Please Download Cash Campain's - The Orgasm Effect: http://bit.ly/TheOrgasmEffect
Also, Check out a few of his sites Thanks
Thank you so very much :)
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Pros and Cons
So I was told to make a Likes and Dislikes list of things I like in men so that I can have successful future relationship(s) so here are my list of things I look for in a man and what I find red flags..
What I look For (in no particular order):
1. Humor
2. Trust && Honesty
3. Loyalty
4. Ambitious
5. Sexually pleasing
6. Educated
Red Flags:
1. Disrespectful for women
2. Does drugs
3. Uneducated
4. Disrespectful family members
5. No motivation/ambition
6. Lies
What I look For (in no particular order):
1. Humor
2. Trust && Honesty
3. Loyalty
4. Ambitious
5. Sexually pleasing
6. Educated
Red Flags:
1. Disrespectful for women
2. Does drugs
3. Uneducated
4. Disrespectful family members
5. No motivation/ambition
6. Lies
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Dating Rules
Being back on the dating field and new to this mess.. I have found changes in myself.. good changes.. Dating is like a game in which if played well.. may lead to a relationship.. you have different kind of daters.. casual daters.. serious daters looking for relationships.. and people who i wouldn't even call daters more looking for casual sex.. So since I don't know much about dating I've decided I'd take a kick at listing my rules for dating!!
Jay Peas Rules For Dating
Rule number 1 of dating!!
ABSOLUTELY NO LYING!!
When you are dating someone, there is a possibility that it could lead into something more than just a casual date or two.. with that in mind.. you cannot lead yourself into a relationship with lies you have to live up to.. One!! you are single.. so if someone doesn't like you for being honest then they weren't the one for you. Two!! when you go into a relationship with someone with lies already laid out for you it's hard for you to hold up to those lies.. point blank period.. you should always practice being an honest person when dating as well as when in a relationship..
Rule number 2
BE YOURSELF!!
My biggest problem I have with dating guys is the fact that many of them want to splurge on me to impress me. One!! An loyal female with a good head on her head is not going to care how much you can spend on her because she will have her own money. Guys always want to take me out to some fancy restaurant to impress me when all of that is not needed. One thing about fancy restaurants is that it's like a trap. One from a females perspective, if you order something too expensive then will the guy think that you're a gold digger?? Is this how this guy is ALL of the time?? Or is he just trying to "splurge" to impress you?? It's too many what ifs to live up to.. Also, in my eyes once I get comfortable being treated a certain way, I am going to EXPECT you to live up to that.. Maybe you took me to a fancy restaurant because you just got income tax or a bonus from work or even financial aid.. but because you took me to a few restaurants I'm going to always EXPECT that and if you can't live up to it then what does that say about the person you are?? So fellas.. just be yourself.. I'm okay with cheap dates.. we are all young and building out empires so I don't expect diamonds when you can only afford Cubic Zirconia either way if its from the heart I'll love it.
Rule number 3
DONT INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR FAMILY UNLESS WE BOTH AGREE WE ARE READY TO MOVE TO THE NEXT STAGE
One time I dated a guy who introduced me to his family and friends after our second date.. I was upset for two reasons.. One, because he didn't give me warning that I was meeting his family and two because I wasn't ready to move to a more serious level with him and I felt like I was being put on the spot... I feel like meeting someone's family is a BIG step that should not happen if we are "just dating". Now when we are still dating and getting ready to move more toward a relationship, I'm fine with meeting your family if the meeting is a mutual (( we both agree we ready for all of that)) I just want to get to know you well enough before I have to get to know other people that are important to you.
Rule 4
I WILL NOT GO ON A DATE YOU TO YOUR HOUSE
If we are dating.. then we need to go out on dates! I'm not expensive whatsoever so if you don't have that type of money to be spending or don't want to spend it there are two possible options... One, you don't need to be dating me.. or two, you should be creative. We all use google and google has plenty of cheap date ideas.. We could go for a walk, feed the ducks, eat ice cream ((Mc Donald's cones are $1 if you can't afford that or don't want to spend that then you are irrelevant)), go to the park.. anything.. I'm pretty sure if you search cheap dates under __$ plenty of ideas will show. Be creative.. but if I'm trying to get to know you I don't feel the need for our first date to be at your house or mine.. Nope.. Eventually we can get to that.. movie nights.. game nights.. whatever but a dude not willing to go out and just wants to hang at the house is a red flag to me.
Rule 5
LETS HAVE FUN... WITHOUT THE SEX
When I begin dating someone, if the biggest topic out of their mouth is sex.. I'll pass. Not that sex has to be completely excluded from dating.. I just feel that shouldn't be the only thing we do that is "fun"... It shouldn't be the only way that you want to get to know me.. You should want to know my mind and spirit before you want to know my body.
Well I hope you like my rules.. What are your rules.. Do you agree or disagree with mines.. Read. Relate/Disagree. Comment. Thanks.
LETS HAVE FUN... WITHOUT THE SEX
When I begin dating someone, if the biggest topic out of their mouth is sex.. I'll pass. Not that sex has to be completely excluded from dating.. I just feel that shouldn't be the only thing we do that is "fun"... It shouldn't be the only way that you want to get to know me.. You should want to know my mind and spirit before you want to know my body.
Well I hope you like my rules.. What are your rules.. Do you agree or disagree with mines.. Read. Relate/Disagree. Comment. Thanks.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Mountains
Tired, drained, but I see the top
I keep on climbing I will not stop
But then you come and drag me down
Pulling me through the dirt
I pray I don't get hurt
But when we reach the bottom of the mountain you disappear
Gone from this place like thin air
So I dust my shoes off and start my climb again
I'm determined to get to the top, Determined to win
You push me, you shove me
I fall a million times
But I'm determined to not let you trick me this time
I'll take another route
Start on another mountain
Climb at a different time
Keeping the thought of you on my mind
And the consequences of your appearance from time to time
I'll win, I'll get to the top
Because succeeding over the mountain is just one task that will I never stop
I keep on climbing I will not stop
But then you come and drag me down
Pulling me through the dirt
I pray I don't get hurt
But when we reach the bottom of the mountain you disappear
Gone from this place like thin air
So I dust my shoes off and start my climb again
I'm determined to get to the top, Determined to win
You push me, you shove me
I fall a million times
But I'm determined to not let you trick me this time
I'll take another route
Start on another mountain
Climb at a different time
Keeping the thought of you on my mind
And the consequences of your appearance from time to time
I'll win, I'll get to the top
Because succeeding over the mountain is just one task that will I never stop
Game Night
So I had my first gathering since my break-up and I'm not going to admit.. I was a little worried of the turn out for two reasons. One because when I was with Xavier our gatherings were usually half my friends and half his friends. Two because I didn't do my usual planning like I did for the parties at my house.. I just posted on FB and Twitter the day before and hoped for a good turn out lol... But I must say I have good friends because we had a good turn out and we had lots of fun. I cooked Tacos and cupcakes and we played games. We played Taboo as a huge group which was fun and then the girls played Monopoly. I'm glad that I decided to host a gathering because I needed a break from our ((starting to be routine)) of going out. I just wanted to be around people I know. Well.. Now I'm off to watch my Raiders...
I havent said this in a while..
Love,
Jay Pea
I havent said this in a while..
Love,
Jay Pea
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Dating
So... I've came to the conclusion that I have no clue how to date lol. When I was 18 I got with Michael. I stayed with him until I was 23. My next relationship was Xavier... and that went fast and ended fast.. So I've came to the conclusion that I haven't really dated as an adult. My new task is to learn how to date. Lol. Which means i'm probably going to be dating a lot of guys who will get dropped like flies.. that's normally how it goes.. Go on a few dates and when they realize i'm not giving it up that easily its on to the next.. Oh well.. lol So before I move on to the next.. I will try actual dating first..
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
YOU KNOW ME!!!
It seems like now-a-days.. Every one knows me better than I know myself.. lol.. Everyone knows what I'm thinking.. They know who I've been in love with.. shoot.. they probably know that I was going to write this blog.. Its just sad honestly.. Like my life is that amusing to you that you have to make up these fictitious feelings how how you think I think based on what I let you know. Remember.. the internet is just that.. the internet. I.. Me.. Jasmine.. Jay Pea.. controls what I share on my blog, FB, instagram, twitter.. I control what YOU know as a reader.. So if I want you to THINK that it's trouble in paradise.. that's what you will think... Trust me.. You can spend every day with me.. know me very well.. and you would still not know what I was thinking.. Thats why we as humans are unique... Even twins have different ways of thinking.. So.. before you THINK you know me based on the internet.. think again.. actually get to know me.. sit down with me.. let have Starbucks.. but seriously.. stop with the Anonymous comments on my blogs.. Be a woman/man about what you have to say to me and come talk to me. Thanks..
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
THE TRUTH ABOUT A MAN...
Nothing I wrote Just something I Found Online and thought was interesting.
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then, Heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. (tell it like it is!)
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.<--Tell da truth!
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man;
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending ... compromise is a two way street. 25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. Im sharing this with other ladies knowing that..... this will make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire life to forget them. "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart . . . pursue those."
" BEWARE OF HEARTBREAK...ITS SPREADING FAST...AND THERE IS NO CURE" MORE WORDS OF WISDOM THAT I'D LIKE TO PASS ON TO THE LADIES "HE MAY NOT HAVE BROKE UR HEART BUT UR SPIRIT, ALWAYS KEEP UR HEAD UP AND KEEP UR FAITH IN GOD. HE IS THE ONLY MAN THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH BUT WALK BESIDE U UNTIL THE VERY END"
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5 . Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then, Heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. (tell it like it is!)
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.<--Tell da truth!
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man;
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23 . All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending ... compromise is a two way street. 25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. Im sharing this with other ladies knowing that..... this will make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire life to forget them. "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart . . . pursue those."
" BEWARE OF HEARTBREAK...ITS SPREADING FAST...AND THERE IS NO CURE" MORE WORDS OF WISDOM THAT I'D LIKE TO PASS ON TO THE LADIES "HE MAY NOT HAVE BROKE UR HEART BUT UR SPIRIT, ALWAYS KEEP UR HEAD UP AND KEEP UR FAITH IN GOD. HE IS THE ONLY MAN THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH BUT WALK BESIDE U UNTIL THE VERY END"
Saturday, September 8, 2012
I Will Be Okay
Last month was a mess.. Got into a car accident, went through a break up and got laid off. I'm telling you my life went from as perfect as it could be to shambles in no time. I'll admit a few times I felt like why do I deserve this when I am such a good person.. But then I remembered that everything in life happens for a reason.. People come in go in your life to teach life lessons.. car accidents.. losing my job.. it all makes sense.. lol.. Since I've gotten over the initial shock of the horrors of last month I know I will be okay.
I told myself.. I was in a car accident 4 years ago where my life was almost taken from me && I survived.. I could not remember and it took therapy and motivation to get me back the way I am today.. So why would I let a little heartache and the loss of a job that I did not care for that much bring me down?? I wont.
Every job I have applied to I have gotten an interview for.. I know that I will get a job soon. It only took me 3 weeks to get my last job so I know something will come my way. Love.. well.. Shit happens.. You live and you learn.. Plus there are plenty of good men out there who are dying to talk to me anyways.. So why stress over something that I cannot fix..
So basically.. I tell myself every time I'm feeling down.. I will be okay.. Because I'm doing this for me!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Progression
Breaking up with someone and having no clue why made me upset, frustrated, hurt.. Just about every negative feeling in the book.. I went from crying and depressed to angry and upset. I could not let it go because I had no clue what I did wrong and although the relationship was over I'm always self reflecting and I do not want to make the same mistakes in my next relationship that I did in my last...
So finally we sat down and I found out where I made my mistakes and although the answer he gave me was a valid reason to leave and it made me happy that I did nothing wrong on my end.. It made me sad because it was something I had no control over. He told me that I was a great girlfriend but for him having to deal with my health problems were overwhelming :(. Sigh. That's where age comes into play. For someone that young I should have never expected him to understand and it's kind of my fault as well because I never told him about them he just kind of experienced them..
So.. I think I need to rewind and explain my health problems.. So most people know that I was in a car accident 4 years ago where I had a head injury and suffered bilateral damage to my temporal lobe (my temporal lobe had nerve damage in both hemispheres meaning both the left and right side). From that I have lost my hearing in my left ear, I have head tremors, migraines and seasonal anxiety. To me, my health concerns are nothing compared to when I first came home and was paralyzed and could barely walk. I guess my biggest mistake was not explaining it to him. He was my first boyfriend since Michael who was with me through the accident. He saw me at my worst, helped me get through the paralysis so tremors were nothing to him and when I got them his response was "jas your head is shaking again" and I guess I expected Xavier to have the same attitude not realizing he wouldn't.
So.. I'm glad to know that I can still say I am a great girlfriend.. I just have to find someone next time who will understand that my tremors are a part of me now. These things will probably never change. I survived death and I'm happy to say I'm still alive and I have 4 small little problems I have to deal with. So for my next relationship... I have these three goals: 1: I want to get to know them better before I commit to being with them, 2: find someone my age who will understand my health 3: someone who is willing to bring as much to the table as I..
The End!
So finally we sat down and I found out where I made my mistakes and although the answer he gave me was a valid reason to leave and it made me happy that I did nothing wrong on my end.. It made me sad because it was something I had no control over. He told me that I was a great girlfriend but for him having to deal with my health problems were overwhelming :(. Sigh. That's where age comes into play. For someone that young I should have never expected him to understand and it's kind of my fault as well because I never told him about them he just kind of experienced them..
So.. I think I need to rewind and explain my health problems.. So most people know that I was in a car accident 4 years ago where I had a head injury and suffered bilateral damage to my temporal lobe (my temporal lobe had nerve damage in both hemispheres meaning both the left and right side). From that I have lost my hearing in my left ear, I have head tremors, migraines and seasonal anxiety. To me, my health concerns are nothing compared to when I first came home and was paralyzed and could barely walk. I guess my biggest mistake was not explaining it to him. He was my first boyfriend since Michael who was with me through the accident. He saw me at my worst, helped me get through the paralysis so tremors were nothing to him and when I got them his response was "jas your head is shaking again" and I guess I expected Xavier to have the same attitude not realizing he wouldn't.
So.. I'm glad to know that I can still say I am a great girlfriend.. I just have to find someone next time who will understand that my tremors are a part of me now. These things will probably never change. I survived death and I'm happy to say I'm still alive and I have 4 small little problems I have to deal with. So for my next relationship... I have these three goals: 1: I want to get to know them better before I commit to being with them, 2: find someone my age who will understand my health 3: someone who is willing to bring as much to the table as I..
The End!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Me
Reflecting on the past week... It has really been a nightmare for me. I'm thankful to have friends who come to check up on me and make sure everything is okay. For now, I'm staying away from the social networks until I feel I'm ready to come back. Right now.. I need to focus on me.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Men
This morning I felt the need to write about the opposite sex.. Now I'm not going to generalize on this subject I'm just going to give my opinion based on my own experiences..
Now.. I've dated many different types of men: young, old, educated, incarcerated, wannabe thugs, real thugs, motivated, strong-willed.. etc.. As I grow older, my choice in men has changed drastically so here are my descriptions of the men I have dated over the years:
Thug/Gangster Type.
I think the most popular type of man among young girls and sometimes still older women is the thug. My experiences dating a thug was not a good one but for some stupid reason I still dated them. Out of the 4 past relationships.. 2 of my ex-boyfriends fit under this category. Thugs are stressful because they're always in jail or on their way.. They're inconsiderate of your feelings.. and they have plenty of women on the side.. The pros to dating a thug is that the relationship will be full of surprises but the pros never outweigh the cons. When I was younger all I was attracted to was the "thug" type and I'll admit it was pretty lame of me... But as I have gotten older I know that the thug type ain't for me because thugs never have your best interest at heart..
Unmotivated Type.
Now I have dated some men who had my best interest at heart and motivated me to do well in school, but they were extremely unmotivated themselves.. Now in my current relationship as well as in my past relationships, I have always been supportive in my partners decisions and maybe gave a little push if they needed it, but there are some men who look good on the outside but later on you find out it's all talk. The unmotivated man talks about his goals, but never pursues them. He dreams of the house with the picket fence and nice car but he is content with working a minimum wage job all his life. Now I'm not saying there is nothing wrong with that but I'm destined for success and I'm always trying to upgrade my life.. So someone who is content with what they have in their 20's is not the one for me.
Big Ego Type.
Now I have dated some educated men and some have been cool.. but an educated man with a big ego didn't work for me.. First a lot of men feel threatened by my smarts especially when they feel like I'm smarter than them. The man with the big ego never feels like he is wrong and will not admit that he is wrong. In my opinion, men with big egos tend to feel like women should be submissive to them which is why my strong willed personality does not go well with this type.. The big ego type are also very judgmental.
So my current relationship does not fit any of the categories so I gave him his own.
My love.
He's not a thug, unmotivated or have a big ego.. He's a man. He's younger than I so he's not as established but he's always trying to progress... I love the fact that he's always motivated to do more.. He's spontaneous, humorous and friendly.. I love that he motivates me to do better. Now he's not perfect and he has his flaws.. But his pros outweigh his cons && that's why I love him. <3
Well that's my little snippet of the men I have dealt with.. I've come a long way from the thug life type lol.
Now.. I've dated many different types of men: young, old, educated, incarcerated, wannabe thugs, real thugs, motivated, strong-willed.. etc.. As I grow older, my choice in men has changed drastically so here are my descriptions of the men I have dated over the years:
Thug/Gangster Type.
I think the most popular type of man among young girls and sometimes still older women is the thug. My experiences dating a thug was not a good one but for some stupid reason I still dated them. Out of the 4 past relationships.. 2 of my ex-boyfriends fit under this category. Thugs are stressful because they're always in jail or on their way.. They're inconsiderate of your feelings.. and they have plenty of women on the side.. The pros to dating a thug is that the relationship will be full of surprises but the pros never outweigh the cons. When I was younger all I was attracted to was the "thug" type and I'll admit it was pretty lame of me... But as I have gotten older I know that the thug type ain't for me because thugs never have your best interest at heart..
Unmotivated Type.
Now I have dated some men who had my best interest at heart and motivated me to do well in school, but they were extremely unmotivated themselves.. Now in my current relationship as well as in my past relationships, I have always been supportive in my partners decisions and maybe gave a little push if they needed it, but there are some men who look good on the outside but later on you find out it's all talk. The unmotivated man talks about his goals, but never pursues them. He dreams of the house with the picket fence and nice car but he is content with working a minimum wage job all his life. Now I'm not saying there is nothing wrong with that but I'm destined for success and I'm always trying to upgrade my life.. So someone who is content with what they have in their 20's is not the one for me.
Big Ego Type.
Now I have dated some educated men and some have been cool.. but an educated man with a big ego didn't work for me.. First a lot of men feel threatened by my smarts especially when they feel like I'm smarter than them. The man with the big ego never feels like he is wrong and will not admit that he is wrong. In my opinion, men with big egos tend to feel like women should be submissive to them which is why my strong willed personality does not go well with this type.. The big ego type are also very judgmental.
So my current relationship does not fit any of the categories so I gave him his own.
My love.
He's not a thug, unmotivated or have a big ego.. He's a man. He's younger than I so he's not as established but he's always trying to progress... I love the fact that he's always motivated to do more.. He's spontaneous, humorous and friendly.. I love that he motivates me to do better. Now he's not perfect and he has his flaws.. But his pros outweigh his cons && that's why I love him. <3
Well that's my little snippet of the men I have dealt with.. I've come a long way from the thug life type lol.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Pure Confusion
I told myself that falling in love with you was dangerous..
But I could not help it..
And now I find myself constantly arguing with myself if this feeling is right..
If loving you is worth the risk of another broken heart.
As much as I try to fight it...
I find myself constantly thinking of you..
I tell myself to leave you alone..
That as much as I adore your sweet smile..
Its just pure poison to my soul..
I'm in a losing battle..
There is no winning..
And my best qualities..
Ambition, persistence, motivation..
are going to be my downfall..
I just do not know what to do..
My loyal personality will not let me lye in the hands of another..
My loyalty will not let me dance with the thought of exploring other available fish in the ocean..
It will not let me enjoy romance..
Because my heart is set on you..
And until my heart gets what she wants she will not stop..
And that's exactly how I end up hurt.
But I could not help it..
And now I find myself constantly arguing with myself if this feeling is right..
If loving you is worth the risk of another broken heart.
As much as I try to fight it...
I find myself constantly thinking of you..
I tell myself to leave you alone..
That as much as I adore your sweet smile..
Its just pure poison to my soul..
I'm in a losing battle..
There is no winning..
And my best qualities..
Ambition, persistence, motivation..
are going to be my downfall..
I just do not know what to do..
My loyal personality will not let me lye in the hands of another..
My loyalty will not let me dance with the thought of exploring other available fish in the ocean..
It will not let me enjoy romance..
Because my heart is set on you..
And until my heart gets what she wants she will not stop..
And that's exactly how I end up hurt.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Untitled.
Like a seed planted into the ark, cold, damp earth, I hid my love for you hidden inside my chest festering at the seams similar to the roots that sprout from a seed. At first I tried to fight it, beating at my chest like a raged barbarian. But every time I fought, love won every time.
I tried to tell myself this was not right. That love was a nasty drug. When I was so high on love before, no one could bring me down. I was so high I sat on clouds in the sky singing with the birds and waving gracefully at passengers on airplanes. But when love was ready to leave my system and I was not ready to let go, it would be a heart wrenching battle that would seem like it would never end. I could not sleep, I could not eat, I could not do anything.. until I had another fix of love..
When I fell out of love.. I promised never ever to fall in love again.. but like a thief in the night, you came and stole my heart..
I tried to tell myself this was not right. That love was a nasty drug. When I was so high on love before, no one could bring me down. I was so high I sat on clouds in the sky singing with the birds and waving gracefully at passengers on airplanes. But when love was ready to leave my system and I was not ready to let go, it would be a heart wrenching battle that would seem like it would never end. I could not sleep, I could not eat, I could not do anything.. until I had another fix of love..
When I fell out of love.. I promised never ever to fall in love again.. but like a thief in the night, you came and stole my heart..
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Daydreamin
I lay down on my back staring up at the white ceiling as thoughts flash through my mind like mini scenes of a movie. I'm in a daze and I cannot wake up. Just the thought of you puts me in a trance. I want to kiss your lips, touch your smooth skin, see your face. I keep thinking of what it would be like if you were here next to me. Looking at me, putting a smile on my face and making me laugh. Pure happiness. Just the two of us together. Selfish me, I would keep you for myself forever. But then I remember this was all a dream and I'm just like a princess in a Disney movie waiting on my prince to wisk me away to my happily ever after.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Letting go.
One of the hardest things that I have always struggled with is letting go especially when I love someone. There is always that hope in the back of my mind that the relationship will work even if there is no way in hell it will work. I always end up feeling like I'm losing myself, like I have failed. I'm so successful in school, with my students, but when it's time to let go I always feel like I could have always tried a little harder to make it work. Convincing myself that it's going to be okay is the hardest thing I have to do because as much as it hurts inside to let go of someone I have loved so much or something I know I cant have, I know deep down inside it is the right thing for me. I'm making the right decision even if I feel like I've made the worse decision I could have ever made at the moment.
Its the battle of the heart and the mind. Logically, letting go is the right thing to do because emotionally and physically I'm better off. But my heart wants this love no matter how much pain and misery it brings. The heart and the mind are always conflicting with each other, fighting to be right, never coming to a common ground. It's like a never ending battle with the two.. But the heart acts on instinct where the mind or rather the brain acts on logic and although many times before I have sided with the heart, in order to let go I must act on logic and know that my brain has never failed me.
We all know heartbreak feels like the worst feeling in the world && letting go seems impossible.. But sometimes letting go is essential to starting a new chapter in your book of life. So I'm letting go and starting over.
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