Survivor.

So I survived another month of August. My anxiety wasn't as bad this time and the nightmares really didn't come. Maybe like once or twice. Really, I'm just thankful to be here healthy and not having any major malfunctions. Well now that I've survived I believe I can finally put this nightmare in the past where it belongs. 

Trauma

I tell myself this is all my imagination playing tricks on me.  That I am okay sleeping alone.  But I toss and turn and the minute my eyes close the nightmares begin... 

It all started as a normal day, going to work like usual. I had my niece Ja'Naya with me but she didn't have a car seat so Michael, Shaunte, her daughter, my niece and I stopped by the daycare to see if there was a car seat for her... That's all I remember.. Michael, Shaunte and her daughter all going inside the daycare and Ja'Naya and I staying inside the car... 

Next thing you know.. I'm waking up in UCD wondering what the hell is going on.. I guess this is why I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... Because I have these dreams where something traumatizing is happening to me and I can't remember it at all.. Just like in real life.. 

No one understands why 5 years later I'd still have traumatizing nights over this but I literally lived a nightmare. I look beautiful now but there was a time where half of my face was paralyzed like a stroke victim.. August has always been the hardest month for me.. I pray every August I make it without breaking. 

Anxiety

When my anxiety overcomes i'm in a heap of fear
my chest tightens
my hands start shaking
its harder to breathe..

I keep telling myself..
breathe.
breathe.
breathe.

all I can do is keep breathing.

5 year anniversary

So next month on August 21 will be the 5th year anniversary of me surviving that horrible nightmare of a car accident that ultimately changed my life forever.  Every year it is so hard for me mentally this time of year because I start getting HORRIBLE HORRIBLE post traumatic stress (PTSD).  So far mentally I have been good.  I've been sitting here reflecting about how much many accomplishments I have made so far.  Well next month look forward to another blog about this.. I'll share some of my struggles and accomplishments dealing with such a life changing event.

30 Days of Truth: Day 11

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I usually get the most comments on either my looks or my intelligence.. I am told more than not that I'm beautiful, gorgeous etc... That's okay I guess.. But I'd much rather hear compliments on my intelligence.  That makes my day whether it's coming from someone who wants to date me or a friend or a stranger.  I love hearing it because it's confirmation that my hard work is paying off.

30 Days of Truth: Day 10

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. 

There is no one in my life I need to let go now but it took me a long long time to get over someone before... I didn't want to let go but I did and it was basically the best decision I have made. 

30 Days of Truth: Day 9

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

My sister.  We used to be best friends.  Her being my older sister I always looked up to her.  I always wanted to wear Steve Madden heels and doll myself up just like her... As we got older, life came in between and I haven't seen my sister or spent time with her in over a year.  Sad but God works in mysterious ways.  That's what I tell myself every time I miss her.