Anxiety

When my anxiety overcomes i'm in a heap of fear
my chest tightens
my hands start shaking
its harder to breathe..

I keep telling myself..
breathe.
breathe.
breathe.

all I can do is keep breathing.

5 year anniversary

So next month on August 21 will be the 5th year anniversary of me surviving that horrible nightmare of a car accident that ultimately changed my life forever.  Every year it is so hard for me mentally this time of year because I start getting HORRIBLE HORRIBLE post traumatic stress (PTSD).  So far mentally I have been good.  I've been sitting here reflecting about how much many accomplishments I have made so far.  Well next month look forward to another blog about this.. I'll share some of my struggles and accomplishments dealing with such a life changing event.

30 Days of Truth: Day 11

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I usually get the most comments on either my looks or my intelligence.. I am told more than not that I'm beautiful, gorgeous etc... That's okay I guess.. But I'd much rather hear compliments on my intelligence.  That makes my day whether it's coming from someone who wants to date me or a friend or a stranger.  I love hearing it because it's confirmation that my hard work is paying off.

30 Days of Truth: Day 10

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. 

There is no one in my life I need to let go now but it took me a long long time to get over someone before... I didn't want to let go but I did and it was basically the best decision I have made. 

30 Days of Truth: Day 9

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

My sister.  We used to be best friends.  Her being my older sister I always looked up to her.  I always wanted to wear Steve Madden heels and doll myself up just like her... As we got older, life came in between and I haven't seen my sister or spent time with her in over a year.  Sad but God works in mysterious ways.  That's what I tell myself every time I miss her. 

Mini Interview

So I was given a mini interview by one of my friends.. they will be the I (for interviewer) and J will be for me:

I: what is your weakness
J: my weakness would have to be love.

I: have you ever been in love if so how many times?
J: Actually, I've only been in love once.. Have I ever lied and said I loved someone when I didn't.. yes

I: what's your favorite movie?
J: I don't have a favorite movie, but I love Disney Movies

I: what makes you angry?
J: Being lied to, when people do not keep their word and when you tell someone in confidence that it is safe with them and when they get mad they throw it in your face.

I: who's your favorite music artist?
J: I don't really have a favorite.. I just love good music.

I: what's your idea first date?
J: I think an idea first date would have to be something very simple but lots of fun.  I like spontaneity

I: how many fist fights you been in?
J: to be honest, too many to count.

I: If you won the lottery today (1 mil) what would you do with the money?
J: First, I would pay off my student loans. Second, I would buy a new house and car.  Third, with the rest of the money I would invest so that I can open up my own business when I'm done with school.  But student loans would have to go first.

I: Hide and go seek or hide and go get it.
J: Hide and go seek

I: If you were walking and you trip on accident how would you play it off?
J: I would say, "oops" smile and say "excuse my clumsiness" then I'd give the cutest smile and everyone would adore me.

I: what's your favorite ice cream?
J: oh you don't know? it's mint chocolate chip!

I: Somewhere in the world you wanna go that you haven't been
J: Japan

I: Eat a bowl of maggots or go to school naked.
J: I guess I'd be going to school naked.

I: Fav sex position?
J: depends...

I: Your spot.
J: where my tramp stamp is.

I: Kids I want?
J: I just believe in having sibling relationships (hence my thesis).  One would be enough for me.. but I couldn't have one kid and them miss out on the benefits of having a sibling. So two will be enough.

Interview end.

Inside

If I could open up my heart it would say. 

Be kind, be gentle and protect me.