Daydreamin

I lay down on my back staring up at the white ceiling as thoughts flash through my mind like mini scenes of a movie.  I'm in a daze and I cannot wake up.  Just the thought of you puts me in a trance.  I want to kiss your lips, touch your smooth skin, see your face.  I keep thinking of what it would be like if you were here next to me.  Looking at me, putting a smile on my face and making me laugh.  Pure happiness.  Just the two of us together. Selfish me, I  would keep you for myself forever.  But then I remember this was all a dream and I'm just like a princess in a Disney movie waiting on my prince to wisk me away to my happily ever after.

Letting go.

One of the hardest things that I have always struggled with is letting go especially when I love someone.  There is always that hope in the back of my mind that the relationship will work even if there is no way in hell it will work.  I always end up feeling like I'm losing myself, like I have failed.  I'm so successful in school, with my students, but when it's time to let go I always feel like I could have always tried a little harder to make it work.  

Convincing myself that it's going to be okay is the hardest thing I have to do because as much as it hurts inside to let go of someone I have loved so much or something I know I cant have, I know deep down inside it is the right thing for me.  I'm making the right decision even if I feel like I've made the worse decision I could have ever made at the moment.  

Its the battle of the heart and the mind.  Logically, letting go is the right thing to do because emotionally and physically I'm better off.  But my heart wants this love no matter how much pain and misery it brings.  The heart and the mind are always conflicting with each other, fighting to be right, never coming to a common ground.  It's like a never ending battle with the two.. But the heart acts on instinct where the mind or rather the brain acts on logic and although many times before I have sided with the heart, in order to let go I must act on logic and know that my brain has never failed me.  

We all know heartbreak feels like the worst feeling in the world && letting go seems impossible.. But sometimes letting go is essential to starting a new chapter in your book of life.  So I'm letting go and starting over.